Effigy

Final work for my second year photography major at the University of South Australia. 

"Use the photograph as a substitute" - Barbara Ess, The Photographers Playbook.

This work is an exploration of my personal struggles with mental illness and self-harm—something I have been battling with since the age of 12. 

Regardless of my attempts to avoid hurting myself (either mentally or physically) for extended periods of time, my mental health inevitably crumbles and I cause myself harm in one way or another. This is something I have learnt to live with, and for many people close to me it becomes quite visually obvious due to the scars on my skin. 

In this series I have instead turned my attacks to my self-portraits. Each mark is meant as an act of violence that has been redirected towards an effigy of myself. 

The choice to use low quality images printed on cheap office paper is my attempt to evoke a sense of detachment and emotional distance. When I am in a period of mental distress, my reaction is very dissociative, nothing feels real or important, like no matter what I do to myself, the result will be inconsequential. It doesn’t feel like anything is real—just a cheap, low quality copy of something that might have existed at one time.

My face is either hidden or destroyed in the images as a reflection of my loss of self-identity at these times.

The making of these images was a way to direct the violence that I inflict upon myself to something else, a process of catharsis without the long-term physical side effects. Art is an amazing way to purge your emotions, and I’m learning that I need to use it more.

This is the final outcome after around 30 different damaged photographs.

Chlorophyll prints

Self portrait on Nasturtium leaf, 2015

Last month I spent a lot of my creative time playing around with the chlorophyll printing process. I've had a few people ask about how it works, so I'll write a brief explanation here.

As I don't have a darkroom in my house I'm always drawn to ways that I can create images at home without needing to buy chemicals or head to darkroom at uni, so when I discovered this process I was immediately keen to try it. It's a relatively simple process, but it takes a lot of patience and attention to get it right,

First of all, you'll need photograph in black and white. In photoshop you'll need to bring up the contrast a little bit for the best results. In general photographs with a wider tonal range also tend to turn out the best--play around with it, I printed out several images and tried them all before I figured out which ones worked the best for me.

Print the images in black and white onto some clear transparency sheets, I printed out each image twice and taped them together in order to get more density and therefore a darker image on the leaf.

Important!! Unlike most digital negatives you want a POSITIVE image for this process, not a negative. 

Dylan on Nasturtium leaf, 2015

Pick your leaf! This is probably the thing that makes or breaks the print most of all, and it takes a lot of experimentation. Some leaves print fantastically and others will look awful, or have no image come out at all. I found that thinner leaves that naturally hold a lot of moisture work the best, your intention here is to bleach/dry them out in the sun, so the easier they tend to dry/wilt/discolour the better.

exposing a cauliflower leaf

Place your transparency image over the top of your leaf and press them together in a contact printing frame. If you're poor like me, a cheap photo frame works fine.

Expose your prints in the sun. This is the second tricky part--the exposure time will depend entirely on the season you are in and the amount of sun available at the time. Keep an eye on your leaves and notice when they start to discolour and dry out, then take a look. You probably wont be able to place your transparency back in the same place again if you are using a regular photo frame, so I'd suggest you be absolutely sure before deciding to open the back.

I was reasonably lucky, I made my prints during a particularly hot and sunny few weeks in South Australia, so most of my prints only took about two days to expose. I have heard some people say theirs took weeks, once again experimentation is key here.

The above image was my very first print, I found out that cauliflower leaves don't seem to bleach very evenly, so the result was patchy. Still a very exciting result for my first try!

Two days later

The only downfall with these prints, is that they will continue to fade over time with exposure to light. I'm currently keeping mine in a book while I figure out how to preserve them. Some artists I'm aware of use things such as UV protective glass, resin etc. I'm currently planning to purchase some UV resistant spray to coat them with, in hopes that I should be able to display them in frames safely afterwards. 

Dylan on Nasturtium leaf #2, 2015

Return to the Earth

Shot with my Rolleiflex 3.5 in my backyard on a rainy morning. Model is William.

Trilogy

Polaroid film, tape, notebook paper. 

A three piece series in which I have explored the idea of capturing something intangible in a photograph. 

Using expired Polaroid film, I have used my own personal colour association to attempt to show how each of these feelings might look visually, and in relation to each other, as a narrative of an emotional experience.