Final work for my second year photography major at the University of South Australia.
"Use the photograph as a substitute" - Barbara Ess, The Photographers Playbook.
This work is an exploration of my personal struggles with mental illness and self-harm—something I have been battling with since the age of 12.
Regardless of my attempts to avoid hurting myself (either mentally or physically) for extended periods of time, my mental health inevitably crumbles and I cause myself harm in one way or another. This is something I have learnt to live with, and for many people close to me it becomes quite visually obvious due to the scars on my skin.
In this series I have instead turned my attacks to my self-portraits. Each mark is meant as an act of violence that has been redirected towards an effigy of myself.
The choice to use low quality images printed on cheap office paper is my attempt to evoke a sense of detachment and emotional distance. When I am in a period of mental distress, my reaction is very dissociative, nothing feels real or important, like no matter what I do to myself, the result will be inconsequential. It doesn’t feel like anything is real—just a cheap, low quality copy of something that might have existed at one time.
My face is either hidden or destroyed in the images as a reflection of my loss of self-identity at these times.
The making of these images was a way to direct the violence that I inflict upon myself to something else, a process of catharsis without the long-term physical side effects. Art is an amazing way to purge your emotions, and I’m learning that I need to use it more.
This is the final outcome after around 30 different damaged photographs.
